The Swearhouse Haunting
by Bird That Flies At Dawn
Summary: Bella, who accidentally killed The Goth Dude, is now being haunted by the creeper. As this is going on, Esme is trying to convince and enforce her children to stop swearing. Not to mention Edward's stolen diary and Rosalie being locked in a closet. sequel CRACKFIC
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Here's the sequel to a sequel, The Swearhouse Haunting!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters, and there is no way in heck that I am going to profit from this fanfiction, unless you count the awesomeness of writing it.**

**Bella POV**

"Ghost!" Alice shrieked.

"It's The Goth Dude!" I added, screaming and pointing at the shape.

The Goth Dude crept closer, whispering, "You're hot."

"You're insane!" There was no way this ghost was going to do this. I don't care if he was The Goth Dude, in fact that actually made it worse. This was so screwy, how did I accidentally kill The Goth Dude and how come he just randomly decided to haunt me? Because my luck sucks. That rhymes, but still...I must be jinxed.

"Get away!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, running up the stairs, Alice on my heels. Somehow we could feel the ghost following us even though we didn't look behind us to actually see the spirit. We really didn't want to. We were now all the way down the hallway, trapped in the corner. There was no way to escape this unwanted confrontation now.

Tired of all this I decided to face The Goth Dude. "What do you want?"


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Here's Rosalie! Hehe!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight would happen to not be owned by me.**

**Rosalie POV**

So Emmett and Jasper currently had me cornered in a closet, talking about something stupid.

"So if a pen is stronger than paper, then why do actions speak louder than words?"

"What do I look like, a psychologist?"

"Well you can read people's emotions."

"Then tell me, do I look like a philosopher?"

"What do stars have anything to do with this?"

"Philosophers say smart things and stuff, stars have nothing to do with them."

"Then who studies the stars?"

"I don't know, starologists."

"It's astrologists you dumbarses!" I shouted at them.

"So then who studies volcanoes?"

"I don't really know, ask Rosalie."

"Rosalie, who studies volcanoes?"

"How should I know!"

"Well you were calling us dumbarses, but I think it might be the other way around!"

"If I understood that I would have retorted with something snarky!"

"I am so lost in this conversation!"

"Then maybe we should stop arguing."

"Yeah!"

We all then faced different corners in the cramped closet. This was going to be a long wait.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I know I haven't been updating for a while, but I'm pretty sure a failure might be present for my biology grade, and that means goodbye internet free time and life as I know it. I think that was a good enough reason to at least try and focus all of my energy on biology...even though I'm pretty sure it went without pay. By the way, another Korn and Skrillex song came out. It's called Narcissistic Cannibal. I also had a request for Renesmee, so she will appear in this story as well. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine. Duh!**

**Renesmee POV**

I could hear the noise the three were making in the closet. It wasn't anything of a big deal I was sure. Heck, last week Emmett threw a tiger into Jasper's room. Where he got the tiger none of us had any idea. I'm pretty sure the nearby zoo is down one animal.

"Haunted! This house is haunted!" Came a scream from upstairs, the voice obviously belonging to Alice. I knew Mother was up there with her as well from her murmurings. Supposedly...she was with something goth and trying to knock sense into Alice...wait, what did that have to do with beating her with a frisbee?

Of course Jasper and Emmett were in the closet, currently annoying the crap out of Rosalie. I just shook my head. Those two could really get on your nerves.

I realized then that I hadn't a clue where Father, Grandma, Grandpa, or Jacob were. Wherever they were I could only hope they were keeping Father and Jacob separated.

I continued striding around the house with whisper-soft footsteps. That was when I noticed the hidden playground. It was actually nothing of the sort. The object of my fascination was a room I had never before seen nor explored. The basement.

"Well I guess it's time to change that," I whispered to myself before taking my first step down the dusty staircase.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I haven't updated in forever! It's horrible I know.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight happens to not be mine.**

**Bella POV**

"I want you, baby," the ghost whispered. His outline was quite translucent, yet he still seemed to be solid and keeping earthly colors close to him.

I scoffed. "Well that isn't going to happen."

"Are you sure?" he asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"I'm AB positive," I retorted, then added, "Did you get my vampire reference. You know the...Oh never mind!"

The Goth Dude Ghost stared at me with confusion, not getting my joke and obviously not understanding what was going on.

Alice nodded at my joke. "Very funny, Bella, now can you take this seriously?"

"I sure can!" I responded with a smirk, taking the chair in the corner and smashing it through the wall. Alice and I shared a single glance before leaping out of the gaping hole. I think we both agreed upon the point that we weren't going to be haunted right now, nor ever. However, we couldn't just make The Goth Dude leave us alone...although we were certainly going to try. We wouldn't just let that stupid weirdo haunt us.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Another chapter of this wacko story! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: If you think Twilight is mine then think again.**

**Rosalie POV**

"Life is a highway!" Emmett screamed.

"Shut up, Emmett," I reprimanded. "You have absolutely no musical talent."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "You know you dig my awesome singing."

"No," I retorted, "I really don't."

Emmett sighed. "I don't know why you deny it."

Jasper started giggling.

"What are you," I asked him, "a five year old?"

"Actually yes. If only you could be so mature..." Jasper trailed off at the end.

I narrowed my eyes, hissing viciously.

Emmett opened his mouth again. I turned towards him in a flash, a fantasy fire burning around me. "Don't you even think about it."

Emmett stared at me with wide and innocent eyes, sitting curled up in the corner.

I rolled my own eyes. "Whatever, Emmett, whatever. Are you guys going to let me out of the closet now?"

The two glanced at each other quickly before both saying, "No."

I shook angrily. "Emmet, Jasper, I'm serious. Let me out of the closet!"

Jasper made a few clicking sounds. "Now, Rosalie, a bad attitude won't get you anywhere."

"That's what you think," I growled.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: If you guys want anything to happen in this story, just suggest it and I'm likely to take it up.**

**Disclaimer: I would like to own Twilight, but the truth is that I don't.**

**Bella POV**

Alice and I ran for our lives...literally. Or so we thought. If we were actually going to die if we stopped we didn't know, but it didn't matter because we kept running. We didn't get tired, so it wasn't hard to keep our mind set on this one goal, to escape The Goth Dude. And I would say we were doing pretty good at it too. This is where a commercial artist would throw a big cheesy smile. Unfortunately, we were in a much more serious situation and did no such thing.

"Do you think we lost him?" Alice asked.

I glanced around us quickly, my fear spiking and then falling. "I think so."

That was when we heard a creaking noise in the distance. Alice immediately hovered closer to me. "What was that?"

"I don't know," I answered.

The creature came out of the darkness then, and both of us screamed as loud as we could.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: We've talked about this before, so what's the point or repeating myself again?**

**Rosalie POV**

"Can I leave the closet now?" I complained.

"When you join the dark side," Emmett replied in a deep voice, mimicking Darth Vader.

"We have cookies," Jasper added.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you know how old that saying is? Plenty. Now get out of the way!"

Jasper bared his teeth, attacking me and pinning me to the ground. "I don't think so."

"Don't injure my babe too much," Emmett ordered.

Jasper nodded, an action I was barely able to see considering I couldn't move form my stomach.

I growled, struggling against Jasper. Emmett now ran over to help his brother, grabbing my arms.

"You will pay for this Emmett Cullen," I snarled.

"I'm sure I will," he retorted, "but ti's totally worth it."

I will make him eat those words. Or at least that's what I vowed in my head. If I can actually do that without killing him I'm unsure. He shouldn't have trapped me in a closet in the first place. What could they possibly want to do with me in a closet? If only I would have never left that tunnel...


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Twilight's not mine, though that's different in my dreams...**

**Alice POV**

We kept running, we weren't going to stop for anything!

"Werewolf!" Bella screamed. She quickly corrected herself, "I mean shapeshifter...wolf...thingy!"

Never mind, our thoughts could easily be changed. Jared Wolf glared at us, seemingly very angry. My eyes widened and I turned around. "Run away!"

"Run away, run away. I'll attack!" Bella sang.

"Now is not the time for 30 Seconds to Mars!" I told her.

Bella seemed upset, but quickly got over it. "Run run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the Gingerbread man!"

"So you're going to leave me behind!" I shouted, disbelief and hurt coating my voice.

"I never said any such thing," Bella retorted.

"It was implied," I snapped back.

Bella said nothing back, so I assumed she was going to abandon me. None of the wolves followed us, but now my attention was caught on something else. I stopped suddenly, throwing myself in Bella's direction. My vampire sister was unprepared for this and we both tumbled down the rocky cliff side...and straight into the cold, jagged, fish infested, creep, murky, rock lined and probably diseased water below.

Oh joy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...currently.**

**Esme POV**

"No more swearing!" I screamed for the last time. They seriously need to stop this, it just isn't right. We look like gangsters or something along the lines when Edward and Jacob go at it like sailors.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure."

Edward nodded his head. "Yes, Esme."

I scowled, my lips pulling into a frown. "I'm not kidding."

Carlisle stepped closer to me. "We know, Esme. It's alright."

I sighed, leaning into my mate slightly. "I know, I know. It's jus...I don't trust them alone..."

Carlisle grinned. "So you'e training them slowly?"

"Gotta start somewhere," I added.

Well, we could have started with Bella or Alice, but I decided Edward was a better place to begin. The other two were quite scary.

There was a snarl to my side and a large crash. I turned around quickly, seeing Jacob, who was currently phased, wrestling Edward. Wow, we did such a successful job at creating a peaceful family...sometimes. Not now though...

Carlisle stepped forward, going peacemaker. His expression turned to horrified as Jacob's paw almost hit him. Anger raced through me and I stepped forward. "That's it!"

Oh how wrong I was...


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight (officially).**

**Rosalie POV**

"Emmett!"

I couldn't believe after I had tackled him they had pulled me back into the closet. This is absolutely horrible!

"Can you let me out of the closet now?" I asked wearily.

"No," Emmett responded immediately.

I glared at him unhappily, saying, "Let me out of the closet. Now."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "No one's leaving this closet."

"If by no one you mean me, then you would be correct," I told them, quickly standing up and running through the wall.

I could feel Emmett's hand gracing my arm, but not able to grab onto my appendage. I ran then, ran farther than they could ever go. It was then that I strode straight into Alice, the collision sounding as if a building collapsed. I hissed. "Why do you have to be in the way?"

"Why'd you have to run into me?" the pixie-girl retorted.

"Touche."

Silence echoed around us. Bella stepped into view then. "Hey."

I nodded my head at her. "So why are you guys out here?"

"Being chased by an insane ghost. The usual," Bella explained.

I nodded. "I know what you mean."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I will admit. Twilight is not mine.**

**Renesmee POV**

In my hand I held a diary. Not any diary. My father's diary. It was the diary of a vampire, one who had fought many self-conflicts. I took no hesitance in opening it up. It was on a random page. I read it to myself in my mind, afraid someone downstairs would hear me if I whispered.

_Today Alice and I had a chess match. I can honestly say that it was not like anything I had done before, uniquely different from any normal board game. We sat there for hours, neither of us winning. Eventually I asked her who was going to win. She immediately replied she was going to beat me. I had no idea if she was lying. Even a mind reader falters when trying to determine what a semi-maniac is thinking._

I laughed quietly. Alice really did seem insane sometimes. I heard light footsteps coming up the stairs. Immediately fearing punishment I placed the diary inside my jacket, folding it into a bundle. Emmett opened the door, meeting my innocent looking eyes. "What are you doing in here?"

I shrugged. "Exploring."

"Come on," he said.

I nodded and followed him out fo the room. At least I still had the diary to sneak through.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Thanks for the pizza comment, Jessi!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not owned by me. Sadness.**

**Bella POV**

"What do we do now!" I screamed, sopping wet form where we had emerged from the ocean...on the other side of La Push.

"I don't know!" Alice yelled back.

Three wolves were now blocking our path to escape. It's just great. When life gives you werewolves, you give them stand up comedy.

"So what's with this airplane food?" I started. The wolves let out a chuckling bark, and Alice joined in soon after.

"And what's with these grocery stores. The other day I was walking through, and all I saw was row after row of junk food. Then row after row of diet pills. What's up with that!"

I shook my head my head. "America. Where pizza is considered a vegetable."

"But tomatoes are fruit..." Alice trailed off.

I shrugged. "Ask the government."

"Will do," replied Alice.

We both turned back to the wolves, watching them watching us. So they were watching us watching them. And we were watching them watching us watching them watching us. And they were...you know this suddenly got really complicated to comprehend.

Anyway...


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Pseeesh. Like I could ever own Twilight or profit from this!**

**Esme POV**

I stood in front of Carlisle and Jasper, my hands on my hips. "I've told you not to do it, Jasper."

"But, Esme! I didn't take it that seriously!" Jasper whined.

"That was your first mistake," I told him.

I then turned to Carlisle. "Should his punishment be...death..."

Carlisle and I laughed while Jasper just gulped.

I then waved off the idea. "Yeah right, like I'd ever do that."

Carlisle seemed to agree and Jasper looked between us, saying nothing in fear of making his 'punishment' worse. So far, Jasper didn't see what he did that was that wrong, but we, the makeshift parents, did. We were cracking down and being serious, and now was definitely not a time to disobey if he didn't want to be kicked out of the house.

I figured that all out by a couple glances. Wow, I must be really smart. Or he was like an open book with all his emotion stuff going on.

"So," I started, "your punishment will be to babysit Renesmee for a month."

Jasper grumbled slightly, but I added, "That's what you get for swearing."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight...however unfortunate that is...**

**Bella POV**

"You have got to be kidding me."

Alice and I stood sopping wet, again, in front of a sign. The sign told us we were currently standing in Timbuktu.

"How the heck did we swim all the way to Africa!" Alice shouted.

I thought back to where we had seen the wolves for the second time and had fled to the water. I guess it was possible.

"Alice if we go back into the water then we'll just get lost for another time," I told the girl standing at my side.

Alice raised her eyes to meet my own. "Alright. Then how are we getting home."

I rubbed my hands together, planning. "By air of course."

Thirteen hours later we were sitting in a plane. A very crowded one I might add. I barely had room to fit me and Alice into the seats, not to mention we didn't even have bags! No one else seemed to see a problem with this. What is wrong with them...

Anyway, I pretended to listen to Alice go on and on about who knows what. She probably just wanted to hear herself talk.

"We are nearing the Los Angeles airport."

And now I just have to make sure we can run home safely.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN For Jordyn: Again. I hope this is our last time doing this.**

**AN: I am sorry to say that there are only a few chapters left for this story.**

**Disclaimer: No, I do NOT own Twilight or am I profiting form the fanfiction. Yeah, right. Like anybody would pay me for this.**

**Jacob POV**

This vampire has got to be the most annoying person I know. I really have no doubt in my mind now. He can probably hear all of this, but I'd tell it to his face just as well as his mind. He's obnoxious, almost as bad as Alice. Well, maybe not that bad. And I have to admit he's nowhere near as bad as Bella and Alice together. Though Alice, Bella, and Edward together would be a nightmare...I don't even want to think about it.

We were making our way back to the house. Today we were supposed to have a family meeting, although I had no idea why. I guess that disturbingly meant that they thought of me as part of the family...weird.

We were walking through the dark emerald forest, reaching that huge house quickly. We let ourselves in, only to see Emmett and Renesmee sitting on the couch laughing loudly.

"What are you guys doing?" Edward roared.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: I plan on there being two or three more chapters after this one, but that is subject to change. I just wanted to let you know this story is almost done.**

**Oh yeah, and I'm sorry that I can't keep Esme even remotely in character. It's alright though because when has anything made sense in this story?**

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Twilight. Sadness...**

**Esme POV**

Jasper was grumbling beside me as we made our way back to the house, Carlisle by our side. Carlisle decided we would have group meetings as a sort of family bonding. I don't know why he wants us all in the same room together, but as a mother I decided to let it go to avoid further fighting...well, more than was bound to happen.

I could remember when we had left Edward and Jacob, realizing that there was no way we could break up their insane argument. They didn't even dispute over Bella or Renesmee. They just had some brotherly/friend/enemy quarrel going on.

I sighed now, noticing we were almost back at the large glass mansion. That's when I heard the screaming.

"Where did you find this!"

"In the attic!"

Oh gosh, just what Carlisle and I needed. Another problem to deal with.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: There will only be one more chapter after this one, so I am sorry to say that this story is coming to a close.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight.**

**Rosalie POV**

I couldn't believe they locked me in a closet. If they hadn't I wouldn't have escaped into the city and down another sewer! You'd think the time I had to chase Bella and Alice in one had been enough, but no, of course not!

As I approached the house I could hear laughing, screaming, and an odd continuous snickering. Oh no, what had they done now? I opened the door and saw Emmett and Edward glaring at each other, Renesmee hiding behind the burly brother.

"Why would you guys read this?" Edward hissed between his teeth.

"Why would we not read it is a better question," Emmett retorted, a smirk on his face.

Edward threw the book down and ran at Emmet, the two now rolling around on the floor exchanging blows as Renesmee scattered to be beyond their reach.

If they destroyed anything more of this house Esme would throw a fit. In the corner was Carlisle with Renesmee, a glaring and obviously angered Esme, and a shocked Jasper. One could only hope Bella and Alice were nowhere nearby.

"Hey guys!"

Great, looks like I spoke too soon.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: This is the last chapter. Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: No, I do NOT own Twilight.**

**Carlisle POV**

Bella and Alice came bursting into the room then. "We were on a plane!"

"Yeah, 'cause we wanted to know that!" Rosalie spit back at them.

Edward and Emmett were still rolling around on the floor, screaming their heads off and trying to pin the other down. Emmett was strong, but Edward was faster.

Esme now had Jasper pretty much stuck in the corner as she kept him there, still preaching him on the aspect of keeping your mouth clean of bad words. I'm telling you, she is obsessed with that. I have no idea what to say with all of this going on. Unfortunately, it wasn't done yet.

Bella grabbed Renesmee. "My baby! Get out of here you weirdo!" She appeared to be screeching at the air, and Nessie looked at her with confusion.

Alice ran in circles as Rosalie rolled her eyes. "It came back for us!"

Bella yelled again, now joining Alice in her fast circles as Renesmee clutched tighter to her, afraid of falling and being trampled. "It's haunting us!"

I now have no idea how I could live in such chaos. It was a haunting. A swearhouse haunting.


End file.
